I need to rant

When I was a kid, I often questioned and pitied myself for not being able to have whatever other kids had. They can go to any courses they wanted, while I needed to learn everything on my own. They can have fancy stationeries, while I needed to feel satisfied with what I could afford with my monthly allowance.

I know that it’s because my parents didn’t have as much money as theirs.

Don’t get me wrong. I was, am, and will forever thankful for what my parents had done. They moulded me into what I am now. They helped me stay grounded. They made me aware on what I should splurge on and what I should save money for. Heck, even some of their values are one of things I am gonna pass to Zal and his siblings.

But if there’s something I want them to tone down a bit is their drama attitude.

GOSH, it feels like I am dealing with teenage version of myself. All emotional and drama. Message not replied within 2 x 24 hours? Here comes a reply, “…are we disturbing you? Maybe this is only a small stuff for you, but for us it’s not… Sorry for always disturbing you…”

Basically, they will ride you with guilt.

COME ON. It’s not like I am forgetting about them. I have always tried to be a good kid, albeit I failed some times. I am always the one who complains the less! I have always been one since I was a kid. I know I am the oldest one, and I will be the one who’s responsible for my siblings in the future. That’s why I tried my best not to be a burden. My parents already have a lot on their plates, and the least I could do is not making them troubled.

And yet, it’s still not enough.

I am so tired.

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